Aging

Hello readers, how are you?  I hope this past week has been a good one for you, and if it hasn’t been great, I hope you are headed into a nice, relaxing weekend.  Since my last entry, our family has been very busy.  So, I am going to keep this short. 

There is something a little personal that I would like to ask you about.  So let’s take a moment to talk about a hard topic, shall we?

As a parent of a young child, as many of you may also be, my time is completely occupied with the day-to-day task of taking care of my growing daughter.  But for some parents who's children are grown and out of the house, their focus may have to shift toward taking care of their aging parents.  That has been the story of my family over the past couple of weeks as my grandmother, at age 94, struggles with dementia.  

I’d rather not bore you with the details about what we have decided to do as a family.  But standing here now, looking forward, I have to ask myself what I plan to do if my own mother or father, or my in-laws struggle with the same things.  Have you had this conversation with your parents?  Have you asked them the tough questions about their preferences should their health decline so much that they become a danger to themselves and others?  What if they need 24 hour care?  What if their finances don’t allow them to bring someone into their home to provide that care?  In a culture where we spend so much time planning for our own future with finances (retirement funds, 401k, Roth IRA, etc, etc) wouldn’t it also be worthwhile to figure out how we will care for our aging parents should they need care?  It’s a very difficult topic to discuss- it is family, after all.  I have no wisdom to offer on the subject other than to just brave it and have the talk with your parents.  Someday, you might be very glad you did and that you have a plan everyone has agreed upon.  Good luck to you as you prepare for your future, and thanks for reading.   

Beauty Products (Sorry, Men)

I’m a big fan of the Environmental Working Group’s Skin Deep program.  You can go to the EWG Skin Deep website and see how the ingredients in your favorite beauty and body products rate on a scale of least to most harmful.  It is a great way to screen what you buy in order to avoid toxicity by way of exposure to harmful chemicals.  After all, chemicals applied topically are still absorbed by the bloodstream.  I check the Skin Deep website before I make any skincare or cosmetic purchases so I know which brands are going to be the safest to use daily.  Although the EWG has reviewed over 70,000 products, there are still some newer products that are not yet rated, so keep that in mind when searching their database.  Although there are men’s products on the Skin Deep website, this blog post is targeted toward women.  However, all Honest Company products are co-ed, so they’re fair game if males are interested; my husband loves their shave oil.  Note: a few of these items may seem costly, but I use them very sparingly so they last quite a while.  

 Photo: sgirlbybay.com

Make-up: (Even though I only wear make-up once or twice on a normal week, I still feel much better about not using products that are chock full of harmful chemicals.)

Concealer, blush, bronzer, eyebrow pencil, and highlighter- Physician’s Formula (Organic Wear) 

Eyeliner- Stila eyeshadow (with a damp eyeliner brush)

Mascara- Boots No. 7.

Lips- Burt’s Bees lip balm or Honest Company lip balm  

Skin Care:

Cleanser-100% Pure Organic Lavender Seafoam Facial Cleanser

Toner- Pure Luxe Apothecary Rosewater Hydrating Face Tonic

Moisturizer- Medicine Mama’s Apothecary Sweet Bee Magic All-in-One Healing Skin Cream

Eye Cream- Acure Organics (I LOVE Acure Organics- they make wonderful products) 

Mask- Aveda Tourmaline Radiance Mask 

Body Care:

Body Wash- Dr. Bronners Pure Castile Soap

Body Moisture- Herbivore Botanicals Luminous Body Oil or Honest Company Body Lotion

Deoderant- Honest Company

Shaving- Honest Company Conditioner (Yes, I meant to say conditioner- try it instead of that chemical-laden shave gel and you might just love it as much as I do.  Plus, there’s the added moisturizing.)

Bath- Herbivore Botanicals Coconut Bath Soak

Hair:

Shampoo- Shea Moisture Raw Shea Butter Retention Shampoo 

Conditioner- Shea Moisture Raw Shea Butter Restorative Conditioner

Leave-In Conditioner- Honest Company

Styling- Got2b POWDER’ful Styling Powder

Teeth:

Toothpaste- Honest Company

Mouthwash- Honest Company

Photo: Hometalk.com

Fancy Pants:

Nails- Jamberry Nail adhesives (Chemical and BPA free, easy and quick to apply, long-lasting, super fun, and all around awesome.  Check them out at www.berrysweetnailz.jamberrynails.net)

Fragrance- Jo Malone Wood Sage and Sea Salt (This is not rated on the Skin Deep website, but my nose doesn’t care.  Not one bit.)   

Let me know if you have any suggestions- I would love to hear them.  Thanks for reading.

Simplify Your Days

My husband and I are always looking for ways to simplify.  That may mean having minimal possessions, yes, but it also means simplifying the many processes fill our days from the menial tasks to how we think about them.  When you simplify some of these tasks, you may find that you can focus more on your priorities.  Here are some tips that may help you, if only a tiny amount.  You probably do many, if not all of them already.  Disregard them if you choose, or add some in the comments if you’d like.

-Put a basket or hook by the front door to put your keys in when you come home.  You will always know where they are.

-Keep a basket on top of your washing machine- this is to toss dish towels, cleaning rags, and sponges into, which typically come from a room that does not have it’s own laundry basket, like the kitchen or the bathroom.  

-Keep a recycle bin in your kitchen, preferably next to your garbage so your recyclables have a place to live that isn’t the countertop or in a pile by the door.

-Keep medicines and “sick foods” (ginger ale, saltine crackers, and other items that you can have in the pantry that don’t spoil) on hand so you are prepared for when you get a cold or flu and don’t have to run to the store while you or your loved one(s) feel awful.  

-Have flashlights by your bed in case the power goes out- you’ll always know where to find one if you need it.

-Have wrapping supplies and greeting cards on hand so you don’t have to worry about getting them when you buy a gift.  And don't forget to reuse the gift bags that are given to you on birthdays or other celebrations.

-Clean as you go- be it doing dishes, hanging up or putting away clean laundry, cleaning up with your kids, etc.  Then you don’t have to stare at a giant mess at the end of the day when your energy is already low.

-Follow a cleaning schedule.  I have a list with one chore each day except weekends.  Monday is vacuuming, Tuesday is dusting and cleaning surfaces, Wednesday is bathrooms, etc.  Just find what works for you and your home will always be clean and ready for unexpected visitors.

-Do a load of laundry every day or every other day.  One load a day seems like a much easier task that one day of 6 or 7 loads.

-Please, oh please, put your DVDs/CDs/records back in their correct cases.  Self-explanatory, but saves you a lot of trouble and time.

-Keep a small toolbox in your closet- just having the basics on hand like a flat-head and philips screwdriver, a hammer, and a pair of pliers means that you are able to fix things immediately rather than setting them in a pile until you remember to get your tools out of the garage.  

-Keep a stash of batteries and light bulbs on hand so you can replace them as needed instead of running to the store every time you need them.

-Put a grocery list in your kitchen (we use a chalkboard).  This way you can write things down as you run out of them (don’t forget household items) rather than standing in the aisles of the store wondering what you are forgetting.  

-Keep a donation box in a closet so you always have a place to put unwanted items until you actually take your donations somewhere.  My husband and I agree that this one is a game-changer.  It’s two-fold because you have a spot at your fingertips to put unwanted items, but it may also become the encouragement you need to actually get rid of things you don’t use anymore.  There is something very satisfying about filling a box and passing on its contents.    

-Keep your chargers (phone, iPad, laptop, etc.) in the same place.  Always put them back when you are done so you aren’t looking all over for them when they’re needed.

-Menu plan- weekly, every other week, or monthly; it doesn’t really matter- whatever is easier for you.  You’ll never have to wonder what’s for dinner, and making your shopping list as you plan will make for a very easy trip to the grocery store or farmer’s market.

-Clean out your email inbox each day and respond to what you can immediately so your emails don’t stack up.  Some of you may have a job that makes this impossible, so feel free to skip it.

-Keep a monthly family calendar posted somewhere in your home (we put one on our fridge) so you can each jot down important thinks like appointments, meetings, visitors, and fun outings that you have planned.  This will help eliminate schedule conflicts at the last minute.  

-Stay organized and keep clutter to a minimum.  Clear surroundings can mean a clear mind.

-If you’re a parent of young children, find another family with young children that you can swap childcare with.  You’ll always have someone you can call, and they will too.  Win-win.  

-I am a huge supporter of online shopping that ships products right to your doorstep, but especially the Honest Company.  They have helped simplify my life tremendously.  I get the diapers/wipes bundle delivered to my front door every 6 weeks, and the essentials bundle comes every 4-6 weeks with items like baby care, body care, and household cleaners.  They also offer a wellness bundle.  That’s right, they're not JUST for families with children- anyone can use their products.  You can choose what you need each month and you can choose when it is delivered.  The prices are better than you may think for what you're getting, and they take awesome care of new and existing customers.  Plus, the quality of the products and the safety of the ingredients is eases my mind so much.  Another plus- their delivery boxes make awesome on-hand donation boxes…double duty.  Here's a picture of our latest essentials delivery:    

-Shop for gifts online.  Save yourself the hassle of driving out, fighting crowds, and not knowing where to find what you’re looking for.  A lot of retailers offer free shipping, and you can find nearly anything on Amazon.  And since you already have a stash of wrapping supplies and cards (wink, wink) you are all set.

-Make a budget that is below your means, then stick to it.  Take it one step further by getting your emergency fund set up in a savings account (according to Dave Ramsey, that is six months’ worth of expenses).  You could even start a savings account for unexpected expenses, like medical bills or car repairs.  Want to go one step further still?  Set up a savings account for blessing others- friends in need, causes you support, etc.  

-Slow down and enjoy the process, even if the process is just cooking, washing the dishes or folding laundry.  If you’re not in such a rush, you may find that these little tasks are not so bad, especially when they are shared by the whole family.  And go ahead- play your favorite music while you work…you’ll be glad you did!  

Mother of the Year…or…Not.

In the seven months that our daughter has been home, I have learned a lot about myself as a parent.  Things that I don't like, it seems, more often than things I think I do okay or even well.  The truth is, it’s hard…like, really hard sometimes and kinda hard the rest of the time.  I can count on one hand the number of days in the past seven months that my husband has come home from work and I have had zero qualms about the proceedings of the day.  (I don't even need the whole hand, just two-fifths of it, really.)  I learn each day how much I need quiet, sleep, coffee, and Jesus.  And sometimes wine.  And sometimes chocolate.  What’s even crazier is that we want four children!  Four little Nya’s running around would be like the most awesome and scary thing that there ever was.  And I love that child so much that any arrangement of words to describe that love would pale in comparison to how much I actually FEEL love for her.  That is why we keep going as parents, right?  Because we love those little stinkers.  But it doesn’t make it easier…in fact, does it make it harder?  Do we love them so much that we don’t want to mess up?  So we research what all to do to be a “successful” parent and raise a “successful,” thriving child, and we judge the differing opinions of other parents and say we would “never do that!”  And when there is an exceptional child that can do things that our child cannot, don’t we judge ourselves a little bit too?  And we get stuck in the cycle of trying to figure out how to perfectly raise a child who is currently only 18 months old, and make sure they are hitting all of their milestones, and we only have three years and 6 months to figure out homeschooling versus public schooling versus un-schooling…

Whoa.  Hold on.

Do you ever get caught in this cycle too?  Do you feel like each day is a crapshoot (metaphorically and literally if your kiddo is still in diapers)?  Today I felt like mother-of-the-year for 25 minutes and for the following 25 minutes, I watched in awe and wonderment as my toddler in all of her pint-sized toddler glory had a meltdown that would knock anyone’s socks off.  I can make excuses in my mind about how she’s fighting a cold and how she’s only 18 months old, but that doesn’t erase that tiny thought in the back of my mind that always hangs around: am I doing something wrong as a parent that encourages her to act this way?      

Photo: cutebabygallery.com

I don’t know how you reason with yourself about similar issues (please tell me I’m not the only one who experiences these things).  In a world of opinions and options and theories, it seems we can go wrong in so many ways.  Can I just make a promise to you though?  I promise not to judge you or your decisions as a parent.  I promise to encourage you in those moments when your little angel has turned toward the dark side as they try to figure out self-regulation and how to control their emotions and whims.  I promise to give you a kind smile so you don’t feel like people are seeing your short-comings aired out like dirty laundry.  And instead of choosing sides, I promise to always assume that you are giving all that you’re capable of giving, and making decisions that are best for your children, EVEN when you don’t feel like it’s your best day.

 Photo: Today.com

What if we lived in a world where we all made these promises to each other?  Like we were all on the same team, trying our best to accomplish the same things.  Because, Mama, you’re doing great.  Dad, you’re doing great.  Grandparent, guardian, care-taker, sibling, foster parent…whatever you are to that child, you are doing great.  You’re figuring it out, day by day.  Children don’t come with instruction manuals; they are little blank slates that are impressed upon and influenced by the world and the people that surround them.  Even parents of very successful, well-adjusted children, who could argue that they did most things right for their children, will still tell you that it was only by the grace of God that their children turned out the way they did…how fascinating, right?  No matter how much you love them, or how much you study or research or prepare as a parent, it’s still a very brave thing, raising children.  So I must tell you that you inspire me.  

And you’ve got this. 

Thank you for reading.