Mother of the Year…or…Not.

In the seven months that our daughter has been home, I have learned a lot about myself as a parent.  Things that I don't like, it seems, more often than things I think I do okay or even well.  The truth is, it’s hard…like, really hard sometimes and kinda hard the rest of the time.  I can count on one hand the number of days in the past seven months that my husband has come home from work and I have had zero qualms about the proceedings of the day.  (I don't even need the whole hand, just two-fifths of it, really.)  I learn each day how much I need quiet, sleep, coffee, and Jesus.  And sometimes wine.  And sometimes chocolate.  What’s even crazier is that we want four children!  Four little Nya’s running around would be like the most awesome and scary thing that there ever was.  And I love that child so much that any arrangement of words to describe that love would pale in comparison to how much I actually FEEL love for her.  That is why we keep going as parents, right?  Because we love those little stinkers.  But it doesn’t make it easier…in fact, does it make it harder?  Do we love them so much that we don’t want to mess up?  So we research what all to do to be a “successful” parent and raise a “successful,” thriving child, and we judge the differing opinions of other parents and say we would “never do that!”  And when there is an exceptional child that can do things that our child cannot, don’t we judge ourselves a little bit too?  And we get stuck in the cycle of trying to figure out how to perfectly raise a child who is currently only 18 months old, and make sure they are hitting all of their milestones, and we only have three years and 6 months to figure out homeschooling versus public schooling versus un-schooling…

Whoa.  Hold on.

Do you ever get caught in this cycle too?  Do you feel like each day is a crapshoot (metaphorically and literally if your kiddo is still in diapers)?  Today I felt like mother-of-the-year for 25 minutes and for the following 25 minutes, I watched in awe and wonderment as my toddler in all of her pint-sized toddler glory had a meltdown that would knock anyone’s socks off.  I can make excuses in my mind about how she’s fighting a cold and how she’s only 18 months old, but that doesn’t erase that tiny thought in the back of my mind that always hangs around: am I doing something wrong as a parent that encourages her to act this way?      

Photo: cutebabygallery.com

I don’t know how you reason with yourself about similar issues (please tell me I’m not the only one who experiences these things).  In a world of opinions and options and theories, it seems we can go wrong in so many ways.  Can I just make a promise to you though?  I promise not to judge you or your decisions as a parent.  I promise to encourage you in those moments when your little angel has turned toward the dark side as they try to figure out self-regulation and how to control their emotions and whims.  I promise to give you a kind smile so you don’t feel like people are seeing your short-comings aired out like dirty laundry.  And instead of choosing sides, I promise to always assume that you are giving all that you’re capable of giving, and making decisions that are best for your children, EVEN when you don’t feel like it’s your best day.

 Photo: Today.com

What if we lived in a world where we all made these promises to each other?  Like we were all on the same team, trying our best to accomplish the same things.  Because, Mama, you’re doing great.  Dad, you’re doing great.  Grandparent, guardian, care-taker, sibling, foster parent…whatever you are to that child, you are doing great.  You’re figuring it out, day by day.  Children don’t come with instruction manuals; they are little blank slates that are impressed upon and influenced by the world and the people that surround them.  Even parents of very successful, well-adjusted children, who could argue that they did most things right for their children, will still tell you that it was only by the grace of God that their children turned out the way they did…how fascinating, right?  No matter how much you love them, or how much you study or research or prepare as a parent, it’s still a very brave thing, raising children.  So I must tell you that you inspire me.  

And you’ve got this. 

Thank you for reading.